That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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