So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
