One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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