Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
