I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
