remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
