Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
