You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
