my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
