did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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