You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
