I wish my penis had an off switch
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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