Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
