end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
