yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
