i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
