I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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