Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
