I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
