She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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