My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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