I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
