If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
