Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
