I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
