I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
