Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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