Swine flu. Run for my life!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
