I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
