its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
