WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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