Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
