if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
