no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
