you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
