VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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