she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
