the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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