you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
