oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
