no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
