wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
