My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
is it fun? or sober?
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