Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
