Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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