THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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