Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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