Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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