Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That was an excessively violent trivia night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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