I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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