dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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