Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
